&THOU CATS

I haven’t fully processed that this was the last time I would stand in this particular spot and engage with this view. It hasn’t sunk in yet that I spent the last three years of my life (and this pandemic) going to college part-time and working full-time. My memory of it comes in waves. Mostly I think I’ve exhausted myself and my brain was running my body on an increasingly narrow ‘sleepmode’ schedule.

I’m wanting to acknowledge life events

Regardless of their hierarchy in importance, I want to give moments a feeling of completion. I want to remember something that occurred in the day and confidently say ‘yes, that happened.’ It feels like a combination of acceptance, consent, and recognizing the limits of my boundaries. But I do think a lot about how much routine busyness is a distraction from living.

I had a conversation the other day about how in grade school, students are learning to stay at an institution for eight hours a day (I’m referencing modern Americans), preparing them/us for full-time employment. The pandemic has shaken up this routine and the people have yearned for its return but this blur of life is starting to feel absurd.

So I want to acknowledge moments more in the hopes that I don’t become resentful. That I can catch when I’m feeling restless and try to give myself more valuable stimulation.

Some moments to retroactively acknowledge:

• I can comfortably climb V1 – V2 now. I’m currently projecting V3s.
• I got a full-time job and it feels good to have benefits and paid time off.
• Relatedly, launched a client’s website and though there are some bugs, I feel good about having completed that project.
• I took my last final exam two weeks ago.
• Making small gains in the neighborhood community third spaces like laundromats and bakeries.
• Comfortably going outside and enjoying the sun on my skin.
• Not going to bed after having my nervous system hijacked by social media sensationalists. 😀

Photos from the street

---